i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
