im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
