hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
