eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
