We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
