i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Randomize
