kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
