its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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