It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
