you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
