Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
