I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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