whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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