on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
