how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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