Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
