he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
