i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
