I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
