no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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