That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
