Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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