you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, beer. Big fan.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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