I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
false alarm. still invincible.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
