That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
