Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
