So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
