i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
