I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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