I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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