When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
