You really coming over, don't trick.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
