i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
