i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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