Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
