I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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