Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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