closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
