Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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