it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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