WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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