went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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