Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
