I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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