Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Vodka?
Forever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
