Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
