Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
