before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
