I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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