five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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