remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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