soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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