either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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