i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
