before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
