Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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