You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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