i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
