I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
