I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
