Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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