would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
