Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
