Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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