I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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