Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
