cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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