whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
