I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
