She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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