Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
love makes seman taste better
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
