They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
