ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
