so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
