I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
