I wannas sexs uuuuu
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
