i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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