Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
