the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
