I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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