it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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