His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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