His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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